Now this is me, she says to herself. She is often saying this to herself. WTF. How am I here again. This is not me. Be Reactive. She jokes with herself. Law and Order: SPED edition…she smirks. How did I attract all this…again. This is not me. No one is doing this to me. I am somehow creating this experience. Why? I thought I already did this once.
A while back I watched an online interview with Tony Robbins. He was promoting his then new book release, Money. I never read it. I think I would like to read it. My guess is that it has absolutely nothing to do with the accumulation of money in a literal sense. I’m certain it has more to do with inner confidence – trusting and believing that this life is meant to be one of abundance…that the nature of physical life is growth and abundance.
In that interview, he compared the experience of fulfillment and accomplishment. He told a story of Robin Williams. He knew Robin Williams. He said that Robin accomplished everything he set out to do. Yet, he remained unfulfilled.
I’m pretty sure I am unabashedly in love with millennials…or at least what I consider a millennial mindset to be. I love that personal fulfillment trumps all else. Generally speaking, I do not like the energy of ‘against.’ So in saying this, I do not like the claiming of any mindset that focuses on its direct opposition to another way of thinking. That does not feel good to me. So whereas in the core sensation of my being I believe that living a life connected to a sense of personal fulfillment is the source of well-being, I do not believe that one would have to stand in opposition of anyone else’s belief to prove their self right.
Insert the social story, or seemingly accepted concept of the ‘other’. The concept of ‘other’ seems to be a constant awareness in my own experience. This fundamental belief that the day would have been perfectly fine had it not been for the ‘other’. The ‘other’ is basically anything that one has chosen to place some level of blame on to explain the intrusion to what should be their right, their well-being.
If only the ‘other’ did not exist….then! I would be happy…(tight fist shake).
Conclusion: there is no other. I am and always will be the common denominator in my life. Life is for me…not against me. I am ultimately the only one who gets in my own way.
I hit my breaking point this last week. A friend gave me some heartfelt advice. She told me a story of a pothole that used to be in the street adjacent to her driveway. She cursed the pothole regularly. The pothole seemed to be her ‘other’ for a bit. One day it had rained and she noticed a duck calmly floating on the water that had collected in the space. She said she knew then that joy is where you make it. She slapped her hashtag mark with her fingers and said to me, ‘hashtag: joy is where you make it.’ My guess is once she came to that conclusion the pothole was filled.
That night I listened to Abraham Hicks tell me, ‘there is no happy ending to an unpleasant journey.’
I still feel tight inside. Confused. Irritated. Overwhelmed. However, I spent the morning in my space: candles, music, the calm creative darkness of the dawn, coffee, and my wifi keyboard connected to my iPad giving me the illusion of a MacBook Air like Carrie Bradshaw (definitely couldn’t have been an Air…but you know what I mean) or Abby McCarthy (Pro? Air? it just looks cool…).
Now this is me. It’s all going to be okay.
And just like that…she posts her blog.